Looking Forward

You know, I've been thinking about disruption.

I know, I know.

But let's say that my 'disruption' is the fact that BoyWonder and I are floundering a little bit right now. It's not that we're not in love anymore, or that we can't get along, ever, but I just think we're both feeling a little flat lately. There's a lot going on this time of year.

It's hot out. BoyWonder works in a plant, and it's hot there, and they're right in the thick of paint season, so they're working tons of overtime, and the only thing we know for certain as far as his work goes is that it's going to be an insane, miserable summer. They're talking about moving them to working twelve hour days.

This does not make for a happy BoyWonder. He comes home sweaty and exhausted and bitchy. He doesn't see the bitchiness. And I let it slide for the most part because I know it comes from the exhaustion. But sometimes I can't take it anymore. And I get bitchy, myself.

And then there's my work. This is our busy season, too. Not insane like the Thanksgiving/Christmas business, but it's just more consistently busy because kids are out of school and we see a lot more SAHMs shopping with their kiddos. And everyone in my department is using vacation time. Well, everyone except me, really. This weekend was my eighth weekend in a row. My counterpart has been on vacation. I'm scrambling around trying to do the work of two people, plus my usual damage control on behalf of my half-assed, wandering, not-as-smart-as-me manager.

Tack on the stress of TTC and you really have disruption. Disruption of our relationship. We don't see each other. We haven't had a full weekend off together in two months, and it's been three or four weeks since we've even had a full day together. And the rest, on the days we both work, we're just struggling to make it through until the next day.

So now the wheels are turning. We've been talking about it. We're going to buy my bike tonight when he gets home from work. So we'll be able to ride bikes after dinner each evening. I've been trying to get him to have conversations with me (those of you who know BoyWonder know that it's no easy feat), with only some success. He's not a talker.

I'm not certain yet, but I think I'm getting a three day weekend this weekend. That will be awesome. BoyWonder is off all those days, except maybe Saturday. It's the 4th this weekend, though. Mr. and Ms. Bubblehead will be bothering us to hang out with them. We might... but it's not likely. It's at the very bottom of my list. I'd like to camp but I'm worried that all the lakes are going to be packed. But the point is, we'll have time together.

And a few weeks later we're going to Kansas City. It's with the in-laws, but it's still something away from here.

I'm ready to be away from here. Spending a weekend with the ILs isn't ideal, but I can take some booze with me if I need to.

I guess there is disruption. In fact I'd talked to BoyWonder last night about giving up TTC. Just giving it up to the Universe and letting it do all the work. He doesn't want to give up. So... yeah. My concern was that I'm emotionally exhausted. That I'm running out of steam and starting to not really care if it happens at all. That I'm driving myself into depression.

But really, once we talked I felt a lot better. Maybe he could sense that I was right on that edge between Lainie and Lainie-Gone-Mad.

So things are already feeling better. Thank God.
They couldn't have really gotten much worse without something horrible happening.

So, for today, I'm going to be thankful.

I'm thankful that I'm in a comfortable, stable situation financially.
I'm thankful that I had time to get my garden in this year.
I'm thankful for BoyWonder--he's amazing and even though I want to choke him at least once a day, we really are perfect for each other.

<3