Family Issues...

I've been thinking a lot lately. I know, I know. I always think a lot. This time, though, it's not about me, or BoyWonder... Not directly, anyway.

Those of you who know me IRL have probably heard me bitch about my SIL. Not that she's an awful person, or anything like that, but I do complain about her. I get frustrated with her. Perhaps it's that I don't understand what's going on in her head, and I don't understand or care to understand her thought processes. I don't know. In any case... I'm frustrated.

So here's the background, and bear with me here, because it's not going to make sense until later.

When BoyWonder and I were first together, she was engaged and planning her wedding. She was working full-time, and had started hitting the gym pretty hard to get tiny for her wedding--the thing is, she was tiny to begin with. So tiny, in fact, that she had to stop going to the gym for three weeks before her wedding because they couldn't make her dress any smaller. ugh.

Fast forward a little over a year. She's pregnant. Still working full time. Still smoking. Still hitting the gym daily. In fact, this carried on up until she gave birth... Minus the gym. She worked out multiple times a day throughout the pregnancy until the gym told her to leave and not come back until after the baby was born.

But the Nephew was born healthy. I was surprised, but happy. And he was a happy baby. She quit her job to stay home. Kept going to the gym... And actually increased her workouts... She's there TWELVE times a week. That's twice a day during the week, and once a day on weekends. And she's built like a piece of beef jerky wrapped around a skeleton. It isn't flattering.

Anyway... From the time Nephew was about six months old, she started saying lots of things that started with "He {Nephew} won't let me..." I had a feeling she was in for trouble right there. What do you mean, he won't let you? He's a baby. You're an adult. You're the Mommy, you're in charge. And I tried to tell her this. I tried to tell her that at some point, he was going to understand what she was saying and would realize who was really in charge.

So this behavior kept up. I've tried to keep my advice to myself, because it's not welcome (because even though I've been around kids my entire life, and taught preschool, and volunteered at this preschool for years prior to working there, my knowledge is worthless because I have no children. ugh). So at two years old, Nephew still wasn't talking. Not more than "Mama" and "Kitty." Not where he should have been. But, because every child develops at a different rate, and I know that there isn't a lot of talking going on at home, I keep quiet. I observe him, though, and at that point I start to become concerned. SIL isn't, but only because she asks him yes/no questions and he answers her.

By his third birthday, he wasn't talking any more than he was at his second. The concern deepens. I ask BoyWonder's mom if Nephew's hearing has been tested, and if SIL is concerned. Or if Nephew's doctor is concerned. And, surprise surprise, I'm the only one worried.

Six monts later (the present), he's still not talking. I try to work with him when I see him, but that's not often enough to help. And I try to model behaviors for SIL, thinking that she'll see what I'm doing and try them at home. No such luck. She's still asking yes/no questions. I've never heard her say, "When you say _____, I'll get it for you." It works when he's at my house. He'll say whatever he wants, if he knows that's the only way to get it.

It saddens me. I know he's a bright child. You can see his thoughts spinning around in his head. And I don't worry much about it being something on the autism spectrum because he's pretty social. This seems to me like a major parenting issue. And I'm sad for him. He's only got two years to catch up. And I don't know how to approach SIL with the fact that if he were a student of mine, and started the year as a 40-month-old who couldn't say his name, or his age, or any of that, I'd be referring him to Early Childhood classes. I would be concerned as a teacher.

As his aunt, I am concerned. I'm concerned that she won't be a strong enough mother to get him to talk (I know he can, because he will talk when he wants something), and that if he doesn't want to do something, she doesn't even try to fight him on it. I'm concerned that at three and a half years old, she won't leave him with anyone for a day. Or even the bigger part of a day.

BoyWonder is frustrated, too, and that takes a lot. He asked his sister what she's going to do when we have kids talking before the Nephew is. I'm not sure what her response was. Something along the lines of "Whatever..."

Ugh. That's really all I can say. Because like I said, my input isn't welcome. Nevermind the fact that at his age he should have a vocabulary of AT LEAST 500 words. At least. He should be speaking in AT LEAST 3-5 word sentences. He should be able to handle being left with his father or his aunt or even a babysitter for six hours if needed. And he's not there. Because she won't help him get there.

I'll stop venting now, because it's not going to help anything.

But I do wonder what's going to happen when I have kids talking at two or younger. And when I leave them with my parents for a night so BoyWonder and I can have a night to ourselves. Is she going to be hateful about it? Possibly.

I guess I'm just frustrated. Nothing new. I seem to always be annoyed by something. This week it's Nephew and Skeleton-In-Law. Next week it will be that MIL is trying to convince SIL to homeschool. Because, you know, she's taught him so much already... ugh.