This week I feel unplugged. Like I'm not here. Well, like my body is doing what it needs to go and my self is detached from said body. And, oddly enough, that doesn't bother me.
I just feel burned out. I'm tired of work. I'm tired of home. I'm tired of going and doing things... That really limits the things I care about. BoyWonder and I have had two big disagreements in less than a week which might be a record. And did I mention I hate my job? I thought so.
So maybe it's time for a vacation. That would be wonderful, but I can't use any vacation, and I'm seriously doubting that BoyWonder would be okay with me taking a trip without him (because I need a few days away from him, I think). So here I am. Burned out. Burned out at work, burned out at home. I feel like a toad. Lazy and boring and doing just enough to stay alive.
I keep trying to decide if I'm depressed again. I don't feel depressed. Or angry, or sad... I just feel detached from everything.
So in my usual style I'm going to keep barrelling through it. One foot in front of the other, faking it until I'm back to my old self. It usually doesn't take too long.
This week I've moved on to a whole new kind of torturing myself. I started looking at nursery stuff. And adding them to lists for later. ugh. I can't even get off my ass to start cleaning this room out, but I can have an entire imaginary nursery designed? Insanity. But it does make me happy. I know what theme I'm going with (forest/nature). I have an idea on colors (gender neutral, but still it will be greens and browns and blues, with pops of other colors). I'm kicking myself for not having any pictures of the crib. It was the nephew's, and BoyWonder's sister is going to give it to us. I remember it was light blue, with the tall posts... And the posts had stars on them. But I have no pictures of it, somehow.
So in the next few weeks, my goal is to have this room cleaned out and ready to be transformed when it's time. I should set a date, but I'm just not that motivated yet. By my birthday, for sure. I've procrastinated because this is the room where all my craft stuff is, and I can't bear to part with it. Or even move it into totes in the shed. Because I haven't used it in over a year (with the exception of some paper and the yarn, of course), but if I pack it up or give it away I'll surely need it the next week.
Sometimes I wonder if BoyWonder is right about my hoarding tendencies... Just don't tell him I said that.
But for today... My mom and our friend LaWanda are coming over. Mom's selling water filtration systems and LaWanda is her telemarketer. So, we're having a work day over here. Mom wants help with quotes and research and ideas for where to advertise, and LaWanda has great ideas, too. So we're going to work on that. It's a welcome distraction. And... When the time comes for me to not be working at Dillons anymore, it's a job I can step right into (the telemarketing, not the actual selling). A job that will probably pay more money than I'm making now. Go figure.
So that's today. Nothing major to report. I just thought I should report something, and say that I do have a thoughtful post coming in the near future, it's just still in the drafting process.
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