Eternity

Life has been dragging. I feel like I'm doing more than usual, and time seems to just crawl.

I think it's the journey. My whole life. I'm working full time. I'm slowly getting back into the swing of going to school. And now we're trying for a baby. Lucky for me, my fan base here is low (I think it's just me right now, lol), so I can talk if I want. So time crawls.

We're on round three. Round one was stressful, but not because of the process. Round two was... uneventful, even after I made some more changes. I ate better and drank more water and tried to have better sleep habits. And, two weeks into round three, I'm remembering to take my vitamins. I'm drinking green tea and taking evening primrose oil and making a point to get exercise of some sort each day. I'm even charting. I'm frustrated right now because I keep forgetting to wake up. Or my alarm doesn't wake me up. As if it isn't new and unfamiliar enough, missing temps don't help me any.

I've been trying to redirect my focus. I'm hyperfocusing on this, and I don't want it to be the only thing I think about. That puts too much stress on something that should be an adventure.

Luckily for me, it's spring. The weather has been good, and this year--my third spring here--things in my yard are finally starting to take shape. I have things blooming in several different spots in the yard. Tulips and grape hyacinths and daffodils and wild violets. I few weeks ago I had masses of crocuses. Right now I've got seedlings everywhere, and I don't know what most of them are just yet. I can obsess over the yard. Working in the yard means sunshine and digging and warmth and being able to feel my muscles come back to life. It means watching everything grow, helping it all take shape. Life out there is good.

My house, on the other hand, could use some work. I just can't stay inside for long enough to do any.

I did buy some new cards, though. My old deck had been giving me really dark and twisty readings for a while, and I can't help but think it's from reading Amy's cards so often. I think they absorbed all her energy; I kept pulling readings about financial struggle and unhappy marriages and opposition, and none of that is happening in my life. Things are good. So, I bought The Tarot of the Magical Forest. I picked them solely from the artwork, so when they came in the mail I was a little disappointed with the Little White Book (will from now on be referred to as the LWB). After the old deck, I felt a little cheated when I found that the pips only had a couple of words as meanings, and the major arcana wasn't much better.

That means I have to get really acquainted with them.

So I started flipping through them last night, reading each LWB meaning as I pulled them.

The fifth card in was Justice. Apparently I didn't read the word on the card past the Ju. I read the meaning for Judgement. Still didn't notice until the next card I pulled was Judgement. And then I was freaked out. I know it could be a coincidence, but that's still freaky. It's not very often I misread (or fail to read) anything. And to pull the card I just unknowingly read the meaning of?

So after that, I feel a little more attached to them. Like they were trying to bond with me or something. And I think that if I keep reading them daily and writing down the meanings and my interpretations I'll be able to read them for others in a short while.

I think they're going to be my designated family deck. I can do my TTC spreads, and read for the teenagers I know who have babies or are having babies, and the friends who are dealing with said teenagers. I can save the other deck for more perilous topics. Perhaps I should smudge them and leave them in the sunlight for a day or something (Please note that I'm not really that batty, but they didn't always give me such consistently depressing spreads).

That's life right now. Creeping, crawling time and yard work and homework and tarot cards.
Today, though, I'm supposed to be cleaning. I probably will pretty soon. I may have to distract myself with some more yard wok first, though.