Waiting

I'm almost at the end of round three. Tested today, even though it's way too early.

I keep saying I'm not going to obsess. (I will not obsess. I will not obsess. I will not obsess.) That's a lie. I don't mean it to be, but it is. How do you just not obsess over something so huge, something you want so badly?

BabyBrother is coming over soon to help me build some raised beds. Actually, he will build them and I will buy materials. And then we're going to score some free compost to fill them. And then, in about two weeks, my baby tomatoes and peppers can go live out there. I can obsess over them. My plants are much less disappointing than this whole TTC process. Well, not always. The squirrels might eat half of what I plant, or a bunch of worms could take everything. But I can control those things to a certain extent. And it takes my mind off what I can't control.

This will be my longest cycle yet. It was a stressful month, so I'm not surprised. I keep forgetting my vitamins. I'm having phantom symptoms. My boobs hurt and I'm nauseated off and on. I'd love to think I'll get that elusive second line, but I know that these are PMS symptoms too. ugh.

So, since I can obsess over my plants, I'll do that. I can't force fertilization and implantation. I can make things grow. I suppose that's good enough for now.