Soundtrack Sunday: Ill With Want

The Lyrics:

I am sick with wantingAnd it's evil and it's dauntingHow I let everything I cherish lay to wasteI am lost in greed this time, it's definately meI point fingers but there's no one there to blameI need for somethingNo, let me break it down againI need for somethingBut not more medicineI am sick with wantingAnd it's evil how it's got meAnd everyday is worse than the one beforeThe more I have the more I think:I'm almost where I need to beIf only I could get a little moreI need for somethingNow let me break it down againI need for somethingBut not more medicineSomething has me (Something has me)Oh something has me (Something has me)Acting like someone I don't wanna beSomething has me (Something has me)Oh something has me (Something has me)Acting like someone I know isn't meIll with want and poisoned by this ugly greedTemporary is my timeAin't nothin on this world that's mineExcept the will I found to carry onFree is not your right to chooseIt's answering what's asked of youTo give the love you find until it's goneI need for somethingNow let me break it down againI need for somethingBut not more medicineSomething has me (Something has me)Oh something has me (Something has me)Acting like someone I don't wanna beSomething has me (Something has me)Oh something has me (Something has me)Acting like someone I know isn't meIll with want and poisoned by this ugly greedIll with want and poisoned by this ugly greed


I love these boys. Their music has helped me so much over the last few years, and this song is one of my favorites, even after three years of daily play. 
So much of it speaks to my journey through infertility and loss. I'm in a less painful place now, thanks to time, lots of thinking and personal growth, and the support of a community of women who are also walking in shoes similar to my own. 

A year ago today, I learned two very terrifying things. I was pregnant, and I was losing my baby. 
Today, I'm still not pregnant. In fact, I'm pretty sure my period is going to show sometime today. You know, because the Universe is cool like that. So a year later, I'm no closer to a baby. I'm more hopeful now than ever, but I still hate this. This also means that in two weeks, we'll hit our three year TTC anniversary. 
I'm not backing down. I'm not giving up. I'm not going to let this hang over me, the way I have so often in the past. I'm keeping my chin up, and I'm going to keep moving forward.