CD 8 (because I'm about to give up on titling these)

TTC update:

Bloodwork confirmed my BFN. But we all knew that already, yes?

But this cycle isn't what I thought it would be. They took me off the clomid. Hallelujah. So now I'm on 5mg of Femara. My lining was a little thinner than they prefer it to be last cycle, I had virtually zero cervical mucous, and, since we'd already done four unsuccessful cycles, they decided it was time for a change.

So far, I feel the same. Maybe a little less psychotic, but I'm still having hot flashes and night sweats (the nurses told me they would probably go away. Liars.). But we'll still be triggering--you know I love needles--and doing another IUI. Monitoring appointment is Tuesday. I'm guessing that if I have some follicles that are ready, the IUI will probably be happening on Thursday. I hope. Otherwise it's another dildocam visit, more bloodwork, and more time. I'm starting to feel rushed about this, and annoyed that no matter what we do, my body seems to be set on having a 30-day cycle.

Work Update:

I hate my boss. I don't know if she's trying to make my life completely miserable right up until I leave, but she's doing it anyway. I won't get into specifics because I don't want to trigger another hot flash, but basically she micromanages things that she doesn't know how to do. She took over something that should be my job (actually, we're 'sharing' this duty). But she has no idea what she's doing. It's a computer program that's old and slow and not intuitive. Every week she fucks something up. And every week she asks me what I did. Why that didn't work. Even though it's her fault it's messed up. But, of course, you can't tell her that it's her fault, and that she would be way better off to just let me do the whole thing.

I might not get my transfer--I have a feeling I'm going to go to jail for kicking her in the clam.

Other Stuff:

Our trip to Kansas City was pretty awesome. It was nice to take a break from life, even if it was a short break.

We went to the new aquarium--word to the wise: don't go. I was really disappointed.

We saw Fiona Apple. She was fucking incredible. She was also high. Like, pull her hair back into a ponytail, take it down, put her hair in a knot, take it down, back to a ponytail, back down... Over and over and over for the entire show.

She also looks a little bit like she's going to die. I know she has always been small. And that's fine. I do realize that people can be naturally thin. But... Well...

I don't know if you can tell, but in this blue light especially, she looked like the Corpse Bride. She's so thin it made my heart hurt. This isn't healthy. 

So I spent my time at this concert wondering if she'll even live long enough to record another album, go on another tour. Thinking about how I've been listening to her almost daily for over ten years now. All the things that her music helped me get through. My rough teenage years. The abortion. Several bouts of depression. My miscarriage. What happens if she wastes away to nothing? Will she be yet another amazing musician gone too soon? 

Maybe. But I hope not. I might still need her.