Yeah, I'm Kind of Weird.

You knew that already though, right?

Last weekend I went to the psychic fair. I went about six months ago and had a great reading from someone who actually read playing cards. She saw things about my life I never told her, things she'd have no reason to guess. None of her predictions for the future have come to be, but her readings on my life at that moment in time were dead-on. She saw that my mom was sick. She saw that my grandpa had just passed away. She told me about how he died the way he wanted to (quickly, and without much suffering), and laughed at the thought of how awful he would have been as a patient, had he survived that heart attack.

It was so accurate I cried when I got to my car. That someone could see my grandpa. That my mom was really close to dying, but on the long slow path to healing.

This time, I  saw a different psychic for my reading. She was doing 'angel readings.' Now, I'm not a religious person by any stretch. Don't get me wrong: I'm not an atheist. I believe in something greater. I believe in spirits and guides and even in guardian angels. But still, the angel reading was a stretch for me. What actually helped me decide that she was the right person to read for me was I actually already own one of the oracle decks that was on her table.

I'm not going to go into a ton of details because some of this stuff is cheesy and far-fetched even for me. But sometimes I like to compare their readings to those of other psychics, and to things my mom says (she has a freaky way of reading into things that can be, at times, almost prophetic), and to readings--be they tarot or runic-- that I've done for myself at home.

She was the second psychic who said she saw me with two children, and the second to say that my first would probably be a girl. A smart, strong, wild mess of a girl. So, basically, she'll be like me. Smart as hell, stubborn and independent and a little bit wild.

So that was neat.

She also said that she could see me conceiving again in March or April. I'm not going to plan on it, but it would hold true to what my mom keeps saying, which is that she's just certain I'm going to have a baby in December or January, right in the middle of every other birthday in the family (No, really. If you start with my best friend on December 2nd, there is at least one birthday a week until the end of February). And this is something my mom has been saying for the better part of a year now. So that was kind of freaky, too.

And no, I didn't even ask about babies. She just saw them. And the miscarriage. She saw that, too. When she was praying over me. She said things that were immensely comforting--maybe some of the most comforting words I've heard throughout the entire ordeal.

Then she started reading from the cards. We didn't use the ones I already have, mostly because it's been so long since I messed with them that I can't remember what they're like anymore. I think this was the freakiest part of all.

(Both decks she read from were oracle decks, not tarot cards, so if you're expecting me to say she pulled the death card or anything awesome like that, you're going to be disappointed.)

First card she flipped over was the Healer card. Second card was Teacher. Third card was Writing. Fourth card was Reading (books). Fourth card was Children.

I don't remember what else she drew from this particular deck, but the basic gist was that she pulled all my favorite things. Most of my interests. Yes, I desperately miss teaching. Yeah, I really would like to get into alternative healing, but lack the money and the energy to dive back into school for something that is so involved (instead, I mix up essential oil remedies and sell them to my friends). She actually told me that sometimes when I write, it's actually a guardian spirit sending me messages. Hokey? Kind of. But I've always said that sometimes I don't know how I feel about something until I write about it.

The second deck, almost exactly the same cards came up. Reiki healing, Crystals and Stones, and that deck's versions of the same ones before--writing, teaching, children. And school.


This time around I didn't cry when I got to the car.

I felt like I'd just woken up from a long, deep sleep.

I do hate my job. The only thing that keeps me going in every day is the fact that I make better money now than I would teaching preschool, even if I had my degree.

And I do miss teaching. I miss being surrounded by three-to-five year olds.

I need to go back to school. ugh.

Also? I bought a new set of runes. I love them. They're clear quartz and they feel smooth in my hand, and they kind of have a tingly energy about them. (yeah, see? I told you I'm weird.)


Okay. I think I'm done showing off my weird-ness for the day.

In other news... We're going to see the RE today. I have no idea what to expect. I thought I did, pre-miscarriage, but now... Well, my thoughts about how quickly we could begin testing have changed, because I don't know how long this process is going to take. I mean, I'm still bleeding (which is really freaking me out at this point. It's been 23 days now, with no sign of stopping). I don't know if it will stop before I should have been starting a whole new cycle.

Also, considering how crappy the nursing staff at my OB/GYN office have been, I'm worried they didn't fax my lab results to the RE's office, which will piss me off to no end.

Actually, I'm already kind of irritated that they didn't call me yesterday with my results from Monday. But I'm keeping it stuffed down because I know that I'll be finding a new doctor when all this is said and done. And I might have to write some angry letters to... Someone. I don't know who it would be, but I do feel like it's really crappy to just not call with lab results in a timely manner. Especially when said someone is miscarrying, has been bleeding for 23 days, and has had to call and get her own lab results twice already.

Okay. Vent over.

I know this post was all over the place. BoyWonder keeps distracting me.

Maybe better luck next post?