Happy

This is happiness. Not a fantastic picture of me, but man, the Duckling is awesome.

I feel like I passed some sort of psychological test--I'm not jealous or upset or feeling any of the bitter feelings I was afraid of. Not even a fleeting negative thought has crossed my mind.

Now I'm feeling human again.

As of Wednesday, I'm officially not pregnant, and waiting for my next cycle to start my first round of clomid.

Being happy about a negative pregnancy test and anxiously hoping for my period is a strange throwback to the early days of my relationship with BoyWonder.

I'm just hoping it really happens, before it gets hot out again and the swimmers stop swimming.

I decided to take the leap and start nesting again. I did this in the early days of the TTC adventure, but it ended up making me feel stabby every time I saw my diaper stash, so I quit.

Now that I know it's possible, I can start stocking up again, once I get this room done. I bought one of the sets of stackable cubes and I'm hoping I'll be able to get it set up this weekend. I chose it because it's what I want for PhantomSomeday toy storage, so it just makes sense to get it now, and worry about moving all my stuff out of it when it's time.

Once the weather is nice, I'm going to take my buffet (a family heirloom) outside and strip it down. My stepmom painted it cream and dark green to hide all the dings and dents and imperfections, but I'm going to take the paint off, sand it down, replace the hardware, and probably take it to a cabinet maker to see about having it restored. I don't know what it'll cost, but eventually it'll be a wedding gift for our first child so I might as well have it fixed up now, so I won't have to worry about it as much when the time comes.

What I was trying to say there was that the buffet is going to move in here also, as the changing table/extra storage.

Honestly, I'd like to rip out the carpet in here, but I don't know if we'll end up actually doing it. I may have to settle for renting a Rug Doctor and just cleaning the crap out of the carpet someday soon.

And then I can start back into my diaper stash, which makes me happier than almost anything else.

I'm just so incredibly happy to feel human again. It's nice to get things done and feel like there's a reason behind it. I know there's always another reason, but the combination of Duckling's arrival and my plan with the RE has breathed some new life into me, where I was just about to give up.

Also, Ducky asked me to do the Duckling's newborn photos. Now, I don't claim to be anything approaching professional, and to be honest, BoyWonder has a better eye than I do, but I'm still really, really excited about this. So that's happening Tuesday, and I'm hoping I can have some of them edited and posted by early next week. I'm already trolling pinterest for ideas and to see what kind of props I want (or already have).

I just hope he sleeps or is happy during the shoot. Last night he was gassy and fussy. Ducky said it was the fussiest he's been. But you know what? He's still awesome, even when he's red and angry. I love him, and Ducky is maybe even cuter than his son. I'm so proud of him.