The Boiling Point

Dear Universe:

I'm tired.

Since August, I've been seeing a chiropractor for a pinched nerve which, as of right now, seems to have healed itself.

In September, I began treatment for my TMJ. I've been to the dentist four times since then for various treatments and procedures, including the removal of four very large, hateful wisdom teeth, and still have at least two appointments to go to in the next week.

And the gynecologist. Let's not forget that little dose of awful. PCOS, really? On top of every other motherfucking problem, was that one really necessary?

For now, let's add up the financial crunch.
Twelve visits to the chiropractor: $700
TMJ Appliance, and a Pano: $200
Filling: $100
Deep dental cleaning: $160
Removal of wisdom teeth: $233

That's $1393. Since August.

And that's not including BoyWonder's upcoming semen analysis, or the procedures that may or may not follow that. Also not including whatever diagnostic testing and/or medication I may have following his procedures.

Financial issues aside, I think I'm nearing my limit. I think I've had just about all I can take.

I'm ready to fucking snap.

So, my back's been out. My face has hurt for the last two weeks. We've been trying to start a family since January... And I hate my job. Hate it. I don't like dealing with people. I don't like having a boss who does next to nothing while I'm scrambling to do my job and his. What's worse is the fact that I cannot go somewhere else and hire in making what I make now. Had I not just racked up tons of medical expenses with more on the way, I wouldn't care. I'd try to go back to teaching preschool, where I get summers off, holidays off, nights and weekends off... Even if I were working for people who had no concept of how difficult my job actually was, it would be so much better than where I am now.

I want to stay in bed for two weeks. I want to wander around my house in slipper socks and pajamas and watch TV and not think for two weeks. I want to forget about every stupid appointment and procedure. This isn't what I signed up for.

So, Universe, as you can damn well see, I'm tapped out. If you have anything else to throw at me, I suggest waiting until well after Christmas or this girl may have to be carted off to the nut-hut for a week long vacation somewhere that is padded and without a view of anything but the other crazies.

Please, please, please give me time to adjust. I need time to research, read some books, take a good, hard look at the drastic changes I'm going to need to make in order to start feeling like a human again. And I cannot adjust, research, or change if you're constantly throwing me crises.

So please, for the love of god, just cut me some slack. Just for a little while.

Love,
Lainie.