Beginnings

The friend I mentioned in my last post is officially a father. The baby is healthy and, from the pictures I've seen, absolutely beautiful. Some of the bitterness has subsided, but I did lay in bed and cry for about an hour last night after BoyWonder fell asleep. At least I knew that was going to happen.

Last night we had our first big storm of the year. BoyWonder panicked like he always does. I stood at the front door and watched the rain and hail come down. It was beautiful.

I always wonder if my appreciation of storms has to do with my love of gardening. I am immensely happy about the rain. It's been ridiculously dry this spring, and this is (of course) the year that I decided I'd start the majority of my flowers from seed. So I've been running soaker hoses like it's nobody's business. So we finally got this driving, soaking rain and I'm thankful. With any luck, I won't have to water again until next week.

I'm happy in the yard. Things are sprouting and struggling to survive. I can make that happen. It's not like everything else going on, where I just wait for something to happen. I'm frustrated. I think about what I want. I write these letters to no one about what's happening around me, hoping that some little glimmer of luck will fall and I'll get that prize. That second line. That tiny little thing I'm so desperate to have.

So right now I have dotted crosshairs. That put O at CD13. Not what I was planning on, since last month was CD20. ugh. Luckily, that still gives us great timing, and I plan on carrying on for the next week in case this month is a repeat of last, with the moving of crosshairs and all that.

Today's another day off. I'm not sure yet what to do. I know I want to read my cards today. I need to fold a mountain of laundry and keep doing more. I may have a repeat of my last day off and drink... But that's not a good idea. It wasn't a great idea last time, but it did seem to help get me out of the funk.

I guess we'll just have to see how it goes.