Here We Go!

Yesterday I went in for my CD12 monitoring appointment (date with the dildocam).

There were TWO (one on each side) beautiful follicles measuring at 21mm. I got the go-ahead to trigger, and our IUI is scheduled for 11AM tomorrow.

I wasn't looking forward to the trigger. At all. (For those of you who are fortunate enough to not have experience with this, it's an HCG injection that you do at home to trigger ovulation.) For one thing, I had to stay up until eleven last night to do it (you generally trigger 36 hours before an IUI). I know, I know. Eleven isn't that late, but keep in mind that I have to be at work at 5AM.

So I stayed up. I really wanted BoyWonder to at least watch me, since he refused to do the injection for me, but I didn't feel right waking him up from a dead sleep just to watch me stab myself. So, I got everything ready. Ice for the area I'm poking, to help numb it a little bit. Alcohol swabs, so I don't die of infection. Gauze, for afterward. Oh, and my syringe.

I did really well at first. I did require a small pep talk (consisting of me chanting "you'regoingtohaveababy" over and over again for a few minutes), and I got the needle in... And then everything inside me turned to liquid. You know that feeling you get right before you vomit? Yeah. That feeling. With the needle still inside me. So I push on the plunger. Feeling even more liquidy, head spinning, hoping that I will get this shit out of the syringe and into my body before I passthefuckout.

I managed, but only just barely. As soon as I withdrew the needle I had to immediately lie down on the bathroom floor until my head stopped spinning.


So now I'm just waiting for tomorrow. So I can just wait for another two weeks to pass.

Have I mentioned how much I detest waiting?


So... Two follicles. That's the part that has me scared. On the one hand, if I ovulate both of them, that's all the more chance that one of them will happen to get fertilized. On the other hand... That could happen to both of them. And then I'm looking at twins.

The thought of twins terrifies me. Twins means that we have instantly outgrown our house. It means probably never having a subsequent pregnancy (BoyWonder is, so far, convinced that two is more than enough children for him. I'm hoping I can talk him into at least three). And, what is probably most important... Can my spine handle carrying twins? Maybe, but maybe not. I am, after all, missing an entire disc and part of a vertebrae.

But I could handle it. I will handle whatever life throws at me.

Someday, I'll have a baby (or two). It will be amazing. And this long, hard road will have been completely worth it.