Mind Fuck

TMI alert, people. If you don't want to read something gross, just back slowly out of this post (But it's really only gross for a second).

I've been bleeding for eleven days. 

The first day was normal. The second day was so awful I was afraid I might die of blood loss. Seriously, when I'm considering calling in to work because of an extremely gory and disgusting period, you know it's bad. Then it started to seem more like normal. And it kept being normal until three days ago. 

Like a good infertile, I've been trying to keep up with using my fertility monitor. So, on day 9, I'm still bleeding but I need to do the monitor thing. So I do, and I get the Peak reading. You know, the reading that is supposed to mean ovulation is imminent. I thought that was weird but chalked it up to crazy, possibly-PCOS whacked out hormones. But the next day (yesterday) I had another Peak day. Extra weird (note: some cycles, I never see a peak reading on this stupid thing). I come home from work and take an OPK. Positive. Also weird, as I have the same luck with OPKs as I do with the monitor. 

It wasn't until I was brushing my teeth that night that I remembered someone talking on The Bump about how sometimes a positive OPK can mean pregnancy. 

I got up this morning and took a pregnancy test. 

You see that line? 

Yeah. Me too. 

So I called the doctor. They took forever to call me back with instructions. 

I had to tell my manager that I needed to leave because I needed to go have bloodwork done and explained the situation. I also may or may not have melted into a big sobby mess because I'm pretty sure that this is a miscarriage. 

Right now, I'm waiting on the doctor's office to call me back with news. They are running a quantitative HCG test, and while I know what it means I don't know what the implications are. I'm assuming you can't bleed for eleven days with no sign of it stopping and remain pregnant. 

And I don't know how I feel. I'm mad that I didn't take a test at all before I started my period (but it came three days early). I'm upset that I didn't even know I was pregnant until it was most likely over. And then I'm thankful I didn't know. And I'm kind of glad to know that at least I can get pregnant. 

And I feel a little bit like the Universe bitch-slapped me. Go figure. 

More posting later, most likely Sunday. For now, I need BoyWonder.