On Productivity.

September has been nice, so far. Yes, I realize it's only the 9th. But that's pretty good, right? RIGHT?

I'm not charting. I thought it would be weird, but so far it's not. It's been like a vacation. Granted, I'm still paying attention to my body, but without the temps, there is no real chart to obsess over. That has been fabulous. I needed a break.

I'm making new friends.

I know that's random. I'm really slow to warm up to people. In fact, there are a few people at work that I've been working with for almost three years that I'm just starting to really talk to. And even then, I'm not hanging out outside work. Not because I'm snobby, or even because I don't want to, but because... Well... That's something I'm trying to figure out.

I have a feeling that it's two factors converging to create a real problem with my social life.

Problem one: I used to be social. I loved being around people. I liked parties and new places and going on adventures. And then... I met BoyWonder. When I met him, he was a hermit. Like, dude did not leave his apartment unless he was going to his mom's house, or to buy food. Much of this was a deep depression, but the rest was some kind of social anxiety. He's still got the anxiety, but after six years of my coaching him, I actually think he might be more social than I am. It's almost like I gave him all my social skills, and I took the anxiety.

Problem two: Balance. I haven't talked much about this on here, but I have ADHD. It's pretty bad, and lately I've done a horrible job trying to contain and manage it. I know you're wondering what this has to do with my social issues. It's not that I don't want to go out and do things with new people. I mean, sometimes it is that exactly. But usually, it's because I know that ADHD is like the devil on my shoulder. If I go out, I don't want to go home. It's the stimulation of new people and places and different scenery that makes it really hard to balance what I have to do with what I want to do.

Take today, for example. This is my last day off before Winfield. The plan was to get up early (check), clean the house, do two weeks' worth of homework, make some phone calls, get all the laundry done, and then go out for ONE dollar margarita with two of my friends. What's happening instead is that my friend called and invited me to breakfast, and then probably a pedicure.

So will the house get cleaned? BoyWonder might do it. Will my homework get done? Probably not today. Maybe tomorrow. I can at least justify the homework because my teacher posted a lot of broken links in our assignments, and she hasn't fixed any of them yet.

And I'm writing this, which no one will read.

Productivity FAIL.

But I'm going with my friend to a Mommy's group. I'm nervous because I am not a mommy. I'm going to dine with a group of strangers who are in a group I don't quite belong with. But my friend will be there, so hopefully everything will be fine. I'm trying not to let the anxiety eat me alive.

So... This will probably be my last post until after Winfield, unless by some random chance I remember to post some pictures. :)